I started thinking about friendship the other day. People often tease me about my “internet” friends or “digital” friends.
Are they less than?
To explore this topic, let’s go to the beginning.
Childhood Friendships
In early childhood, you may have friends because your moms hang out. You may be in the same class. You may live on the same street.
Proximity and convenience are the the kick starters to most, if not all, childhood friendships. Whether or not they continue throughout life has more to do with how each person values themselves, their time invested in the friendship, and the time it would take to continue. We grow up, move away, and move on.
Fortunately, Facebook has allowed many of these childhood friendships to reignite or die of malnutrition.
Digital Age
Let’s come back.
Early Adult Friendships
Early adult friendships begin because you’re college roommates, co-workers, or you know a friend-of-a-friend. Maybe a group all went to a music festival, camping trip, or toured Europe together. Those friendships usually continue until some or all get married. (more…)
I mean, if you have the time to change your purse to match every outfit, you go with your bad self.
This would be akin to being present on multiple social networks.
Some of us choose to spend our time online. So to be on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Google Plus, and YouTube is no big thing.
If you just want to pick up your purse and leave the house, this may not be an option for you.
So now you have to choose.
Do you need space? Maybe Facebook is the right network for you. It has a larger audience and global footprint.
If you want less in your purse, maybe a clutch fits your style better than a messenger bag. After all, it is less burdensome and more fashionable. That’d be Twitter, in my opinion.
It doesn’t really matter what you think is cool now. In 90 days to 2 years [insert new cool hip social network here] will come about and be the “new thing.” Or it could go the way of Myspace, Wave, and maybe Ello.
As social media nerds we’re looked to often as “experts.” But we all have our own opinions based upon our own needs and experiences.
How do you curate content to share online? You do it by curating people. Be a people broker.
Is your Twitter feed worth reading by you?
Would you like your own Facebook Page?
Let me tell you a story.
Let’s go back to the summer of 2004 when my sister and her friends came to visit me here in Southern California. They were curious about the Southern California lifestyle.
“Where do you want to eat?”
“Anywhere but a chain,” they said.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with the Cheesecake Factory or Pizza Hut, but they’re the same here as they are in Northern California, that’s the point of a chain. They wanted local flavor.
“What about Wahoo’s?” I asked. “It’s a local chain.”
That phrase “local chain” got them curious. So we went to Wahoo’s who started here in Orange County in 1988 and they loved it. They had a great meal and got to experience part of Orange County’s local culture.
Fringe Players
Chris Brogan, in a Women in Business Today video said:
“All of the experts… we all see it all. … If …300,000 people are tweeting Mashable. Who cares? You know what? Go find interesting fringe players that no one’s ever heard of and treat them like they’re the experts. You’ll have more fun.”
Curation Tools
Now, I’ve talked about being a people curator before, so if you’ve followed quality people, why not use that to your benefit?
You don’t need a third party tool to tell you what to tweet. You’re better than just another account that tweets Mashable, BuzzFeed, or TechCrunch.
Don’t get me wrong, you’ll see Gary Vaynerchuk, Ted Rubin, Mashable, and other well-known people in my tweets. But you’ll also read from Carol Stephen, Ruby Rusine, and Amy Donohue.
I’ve found some of my own gems, “local flavor,” or “fringe players” as Chris Brogan calls them. They’re on my “Social Friends” list on Twitter. I know, if I want reliable content to share, I can go right there. I don’t need some fancy tool to curate content other than my own Twitter lists.
Win-Win-Win
When you curate people and share their content, it shows that you’re a social person. It shows that you reciprocate. It helps promote your new connections. Your audience benefits from another perspective and a local flavor.
The best practice for social media is to be a polite human being. Yes. It really is this simple. If someone compliments you, respond. Ignoring people is the best way to alienate your potential audience.
Be a polite human.
Yes, I’m Captain Obvious today. Or am I?
Many of us in geekland have immersed ourselves in social media and you can be blinded to those things that seem obvious.
Let me digress.
When I was in college, the “science for teachers” course was so easy, having already taken AP Chemistry in high school, that I couldn’t believe we had to take it. But I’ll never forget what my professor said to me:
“You’ll have a hard time teaching math and science, Bridget.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you won’t get why they don’t get it.”
That became a driving factor in my mind for years to come. In fact, when I was a student teacher in the second grade, I was given the remedial math group. Our task: to learn to read an analog clock.
When I was a kid, people didn’t all have digital, so the only choice was analog (and, to be totally honest, I read it best to this day).
I tried EVERYTHING I could think of to teach these kids how to read the clock.
One day, I had an epiphany.
We became the clock.
How? I made two sticks, one longer than the other, to represent the clock’s hands. The kids sat down in a circle, twelve of them, and each held a number. When the short hand pointed at a person, they announced their number, followed by the long hand who announced the minutes represented by their number and position on the face.
It worked.
What seemed obvious to me was a challenge to that group.
Fast forward to 2013 in my first social media panel and questions and answers. I was, honestly, aghast that after the three presentations a person asked what the best practices are.
It’s a social network. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to tell people: “You should thank somebody for talking to you.” Like he tweeted to me something “Oh I’m really excited” and I responded.
Because if David said something to me like “Oh, I really like your necklace” and I just turned around. How rude is that? Do you think David’s going to want to be my friend anymore? We don’t do this stuff in real life! Right?
And he’s like “Dude. She’s wacked.” But I’m saying… (laughter) …That’s not how it works.
But that’s how people do it on Twitter all the time. They’ll say something, “@David Oh I really like that color blue on you.” (Which is a great color on you, by the way.) And then he just …ignores me. How do you think we’re going to have a relationship? We’re not going to have a relationship.
The next tweet is going to be “@David is a jackass because he’s not responding to me” or I’m going to be thinking it in my brain. Or you won’t respond at all. But it’s sitting out there on the internet… on the interwebs.
What we do online, we would never do in person. Would you walk away from someone who was talking to you? Would you parrot back what someone said? Would you bully someone in person?
Derek Sivers has a video called “A Real Person, A Lot Like You” that I’ve watched nearly a dozen times. He says that the internet or computers has a way of dehumanizing us. We feel more bold to antagonize or be mean. We need to realize that on the other end of the internet is a real person, a lot like us.
So what’s the best practice for social media?
Be a polite human being. It wins every single time.
I’ve broken down the Keys to Being Social by topic or characteristic in this book available on Amazon.
Everyone starts on social media for a reason. Like many of you, I had something to sell. But I found a community. I found several. And, so, I stayed. Now, it’s my livelihood and my tribe.
Let me tell you my story in the video below and, hopefully, encourage you, too.
My Social Media Origin Story
But the gist, if you just want to read is here:
Originally with my CD release in 2004, I sought to promote and sell (MySpace etc.).
In 2007, I started my original Twitter account after hearing about it on Leo Laporte.
It was fun to talk with people who had similar interests as me: music, the Bible, politics, dogs, etc.
Since 2005, however, I had been struggling with illness. In 2009 that was finally diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
What brought me to social was something to sell, like many of you. What kept me was different.
Social Media Community
What kept me there was the community.
I’m fortunate enough to still be able to work full-time with my illness but, like many chronic illnesses, you have to maintain your health. For me, among other things, this includes bed rest. Before I started on antidepressants in 2017, it meant I was bed by 7:00 PM every night and spend most weekends there, too.
This is how I had time to develop my skills, start blogging, and even the most daring and physically challenging, the videos.
One thing I’ve learned is that the more you open up, the deeper your connections will be.
Sure, I’ve heard, “Why are you online so much? Why don’t you get a life?” more times than I should, and, I’ll admit, it hurts. The upside, however, is the world that was opened up to me in spite of the physical isolation of my illness.
Being vulnerable is a risk. Telling my story is a risk. Though I’ve wavered many times before hitting “post,” “tweet,” or “publish,” I have never regretted it. Why? Most people thank me for telling my story.
The 2020 Update
I have had much success managing my illness since this post was written but most of it is still true. Being on antidepressants has helped my pain levels so much that I forget I’m a person who is ill. I push myself too hard.
Being a full-time freelancer for the last two years and a remote worker for the previous two years has given me the freedom to produce work when I feel well. I have the freedom to take naps at 2:30 PM in the afternoon which is a life saver.
When I go out to meet my friends at the pub for karaoke or whatnot, I take naps. Twenty minute naps are my lifesaver along with more protein in my diet and turmeric.
But, I still have reminders. I’ve been pushing my exercise level a bit too hard. As I update this post today (1/29/20), I do so after sleeping until 2:00 PM in the afternoon, about to order food, and go back to bed.
I manage my chronic illness so well these days that sometimes I forget that I am ill.
What I’ve learned is that we all have a story. We all have value to add to this world. Sure, I can’t gig anymore. I can write. I can’t go to every Meetup. I can do Google Hangouts. I can’t tutor all those who ask for my help. I can make videos.
I used to feel really bitter and sad. And, there are days when I wish there was a solution to my disease (today included), but I wouldn’t have this career if I hadn’t become ill.
I started thinking about friendship the other day. People often tease me about my “internet” friends or “digital” friends.